i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
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