I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
Randomize
