Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
Randomize
