After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
