Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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