Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
Randomize
