i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
we're so committed to being not committed
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
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