I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Randomize
