You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
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