Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Randomize
