once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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