so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
Randomize