dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
Randomize
