She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
Randomize
