There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
Randomize
