If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
He is an equal opportunity slut.
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
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