help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
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