I want to walk on stilts...naked
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
Randomize