he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
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