sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
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