Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Randomize
