I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Randomize
