Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
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