Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
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