so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize