I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
Randomize
