i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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