I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
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