i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
He uses pillows to masturbate.
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
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