Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
