I like my sex mixed with concussions.
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
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