Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
Randomize
