he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
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