Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Randomize
