my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
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