we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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