a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
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