im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
We got so high we made milksteak
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
You need Xanax blowdarts
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
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