Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
Randomize