Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
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