Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
Randomize
