'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
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