that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
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