Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Randomize
