Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
