My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
