did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
