thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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