she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
