he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
Randomize
