she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
why would she put his p in her m after it was in her a? that's gross
its gross she let him put his p in her a nevermind his p in her m after p in her v. cleaning up is necessary
i put my m on your v after my p was in your v. no big deal
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize
