i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
