I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
Randomize
