I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
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