I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
Randomize
