I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
