sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
Randomize
