He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
Randomize
