Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
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