I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
Randomize
