I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
Randomize
