If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
Randomize
