I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Randomize
