why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
