What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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