i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize