He disabled his match.com account in front of me
i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
Randomize
