all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
