there was a trapeze. enough said
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize
