ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
Randomize
