I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Randomize
