Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
Randomize